Deja Vu

In August 2008 I was in a very similar situation to Fr. Nigel. I was admitted to Albany Medical Center because of Crohn's Disease. However, a couple of days later, I ended up in ICU on a ventilator with pneumocystic carni pneumonia. PCP is a deadly disease. You may remember that it killed many AIDS victims. I too was placed in a medically induced coma for about a month. I'm not posting this for sympathy. Rather, it is my heart's desire to give all glory to God. I want to tell you what the Lord God brought me through and why. I hope that my story of resurrection will strengthen your faith and lift up your hearts; especially as we all pray for Fr. Nigel's restoration to health. I died and was given the blessing of being with Jesus in heaven. I pray that Nigel is given this grace as well. My lungs were so filled with fluid that I literally was drowning and suffocating to death. 100% oxygen blew out my right lung, so that I had to have 2 chest tubes. I pray that this does not happen to Nigel. When I went to heaven, Jesus told me that it wasn't my time to come home, but He knew that I was in tremendous pain and was exhausted. He told me that if I wanted to stay with Him I could, but there was more that He wanted to do through my ministry as a priest. He also told me that dying would not hurt, but I would gently slip into His waiting, loving arms. As Jesus was saying all this to me, in a voice which cannot be adequately described as lyrical or a bubbling brook, I heard my daughter's voice say, "Mommy don't die." I told the Lord that I needed to go back to earth for my family and my sheep. When I awoke, there was an angel standing at the foot of my bed, with his sword brandished. I don't know how I knew it was an angel, because I had never seen one before. He was terrifyingly beautiful; very tall and sparkled with a very bright light. He told me that he was Michael the Archangel. I was very moved and said, " The defender of Israel has come to my bedside to protect me!" He told me that Satan wanted my life, but the Lord sent him to protect me. I have prayed that the Lord would send St. Michael to protect Nigel as well. I strongly feel in my spirit that Fr. Nigel is experiencing a spiritual battle. We must use every weapon at our command; especially the Armor of God (Eph 6:13-18). We know that we have the victory through Christ Jesus. Maybe God is trying to wake us up, by allowing the shocking situation of Fr. Nigel's critical illness. I confess that I have not done what the Lord told me He wanted me to do when he allowed me to live. I'm supposed to write a book entitled: Pray Without Ceasing. The purpose is to tell my story and bring Him all the glory. I'll tell you, briefly, what happened; being in a coma for a month was just the beginning. I spent a total of 11 weeks at Albany Med. 4 of those were in the rehabilitation unit, because I had not gotten out of bed for 7 weeks! In a nutshell I had (in no particular order) numerous petit mal seizures, which led to grand mal seizures, which put me back in ICU and on a ventilator. During 1 seizure I had a heart attack and a stroke. They also discovered that I had a blood clot, after doing a cardiac catheterization, which my doctors thought could kill me. My brain had been so starved of oxygen, as I had 3 types of pneumonia, that I had brain damage and memory loss. At one point I couldn't move or speak. I was fed by a gastric tube, had multiple IV's and arterial lines. At one point my doctors told my family that they had done all they could do. All that was left to do was to pray and to be patient. There was a point where I suffered from sepsis-a systemic infection which is usually fatal. I had 40 liters of fluid which had to be drawn out of my body. I felt 2 things very strongly. One is that Jesus was holding me and making sure that I wouldn't drown. The second is that everyone's prayers literally lifted me up. I know that I didn't levitate from my bed. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it's what's meant by being raised up on eagle's wings. OK enough drama, even though it's all true! The main point is that the Great Physician brought me through fatal illnesses and incidents. I know that He can and will do the same for Nigel, in His will. So why did I have to experience all this? I don't know if this applies to Nigel or not. I had to be taught that His grace is sufficient. I had driven myself to exhaustion by trying to be all things to all people. I sincerely thought that I was ministering to my congregation, coworkers, family and friends through the power of the Holy Spirit. However, I was really ministering in my own strength. The Lord told me that He allowed Satan to bring me to the end of myself in order for me to totally experience His (God's) provision. He wanted me to learn the lesson of surrendering myself totally and completely to Him. I thought that I had, but it is clear now that before my illness I hadn't. It also became clear that the good that I thought I was doing had become the enemy of the best that God wanted to do through me. Well there's much more to say, but not tonight. This is my first blog ever! I probably droned on far too long!!!!!!!
God Bless